Dating in Quarantine
The effects couples, singletons and ‘in-betweeners’ have faced with the new age of dating … or lack of it.
Since the beginning of lockdown, isolating together has been a major talking point across all digital media platforms. Couples are faced with the dilemma of whether to isolate together or apart, at mine or yours. The realisation that by the end of lockdown they may drive each other insane. But what about those who have just begun to flourish their relationships?
Photo by taylor hernandez on Unsplash
Rosie, a 23-year-old NHS worker, has been isolating at home with her parents since the beginning of April. Luckily, due to the nature of her work, she had the opportunity to work safely from home.
She and Mark only began to date a month before the lockdown. Despite the fact they text every day, Rosie feels “the relationship has come to a stand-still” - neither advancing nor backing down. They haven’t seen each other for over 2 months - doubling the time they have been dating before the quarantine.
Before the lockdown, they would speak on the phone every few days, but now they’ve reduced their conversations to roughly every two weeks. Rosie considers herself a reserved person, so for her to let someone in takes time and a clear head. Their history begins a year ago when they first met through a dating app. Through twists and turns of their encounters, when they finally decided to take their relationship to the next level - the lockdown dropped on them like a pile of unforeseen bricks.
“We were finally starting to get somewhere before the lockdown!”, Rosie expressed her frustration.
Despite the ‘stand-still’ status of their relationship and the unfortunate timing, Rosie is still pleased with the maintained mutual effort for communication.
Yet for some, may have ended before it even began.
Aria and Jake had been dating for approximately 2 months before the lockdown. Everything was like in those sickening, unrealistic rom-coms, where the couple seems to be head-over-heels for each other. Little did she know that in the next couple of weeks she will be left heartbroken.
Jake was really struggling with adjusting to the ‘new normal’. He had slowly started to pull away, as it was all getting too much for him. According to Aria, she had tried everything to help him get through this tough situation - texting less to give him more space, trying to include him in her weekly workouts, watching Netflix Party together. “I could see he was miserable… I just didn’t know how to help him”.
Despite their short beginning, Aria believed they “had a real connection”. The weekend before the official lockdown took place, Aria visited Jake at his home, meeting all his friends (considering this as a real big step to millennials). “It was all proving to head in the right direction to something truly great”, she said. Yet no matter what she tried, he just seemed to be pulling further into the abyss. Having that sixth-sense girls have, she knew something wasn’t quite right.
A month into the lockdown, he messaged her saying, “I don’t think I am mentally ready to be dating right now”. She was shocked, confused and broken. It all just came so out of the blue. “I felt like I was a burden, weighing him down”. But, after a few weeks of self-improvement Aria confessed, “I weirdly understand why he did it”. She adds, “if it’s meant to be, it’ll be”.
Another couple who seems to have taken the lockdown hard are Priya and Arun, who have recently celebrated their 2 year anniversary - over the phone. Due to Priya’s traditions and religious beliefs, she decided to not isolate with her boyfriend, but stay in her family home with her parents.
At the beginning of the lockdown, they got into a big argument, mostly due to the inability to ‘see’ each other’s emotions - resulting in the argument being bigger than it should have been. “I tend to overthink more”, says Priya, “analysing all the little details he says, even if he is talking generally”.
Priya has taken the time of lockdown to develop her skills and knowledge further, though gardening to listening to audiobooks, taking her mind off “from all this laziness and boredom”. Despite the argument, she reflects on her relationship and realises that “nothing has really changed” (apart from the physical presence) - proving that their relationship is staying strong.
In a considerably different position are Maisie and Steve, who were also dating for two months before the lockdown, but they decided to isolate together in London. Maisie struggles to live on her own, the isolation was the last straw for her in a London flat with only a single balcony for outdoor space. “We’ve been speaking about it since the beginning of lockdown”. But only at the beginning of April, they both agreed to move in together (temporarily).
Maisie explains that due to the lockdown, “I was feeling everything at extremes”, and Steve brought calm to her storm of emotions. “It’s so much better to even clean the house, knowing there is someone else physically there with me”.
The lockdown has seemed to have brought these two closer in their relationship. Steve explains, “it’s like a test if we decide to ever live together… I know we won’t drive each other insane”, since, they do everything together - from cooking to doing laundry. It has seemed like they have passed the test and are on good strengths for the future of their relationship.
In these times everyone emphasised the words “It’s not the same”. We, as human beings, are wired and thrive on human contact. We are social creatures, and that’s what sets us apart from other animals. When deprived of that, we tend to overthink, emotions run high and we don’t know how to react to them - as we have never before experienced these extraneous circumstances.
“It’s a new culture, where you don’t see people”, as Priya puts it.
This mentality seems to be a common trend between the majority of relationships - overthinking. As we have too much free time, our minds tend to wander and without concrete grounds, we make negative assumptions.
The best thing we can do it to forgive, understand and take care of ourselves. This is all new to us, and the quicker we acknowledge the difficulties others may be facing, the quicker we will have peace and happiness within ourselves. Which, at the end of the day, is most important.
